WAYNE FOOKING ROONEY.

Not that you need it but here it is – proof that the Ray Ban Wayfarer is not only on it’s way out but already approaching the stratosphere; Wayne Rooney.

It’s too early for (another) comeback and if it ever comes it will not, I repeat not, be spearheaded by Shrek. I can clearly picture the couple discussing his choice of specs. Because don’t go and fool yourself into thinking that the Ray Ban’s have anything to do with Wayne – it is, of course, all the work of Coleen McLoughlin, or Mrs Rooney as she is known these married days.


- “Just try them on darling, you’ll look great, I promise”

- “No way. These are for poofs. Rio Ferdinand will laugh at me”

- “Oh, come on. Did you not read my column in last weeks Grazia? (or is it Closer, OK!, Heat or Now?) They are the sunglasses to wear – just like last summer and the one before that. But you should really have a pair in fluorescent pink or yellow, dear”

- “Are you having a bubble bath? I’m not showing my crunched-up face down the pub in pink sunglasses. I’ll get kicked in the face!”

- “You already have been, darling”

- “Yes OK, you’re right, but I’m getting the black ones. Are you sure they’re cool?”

- “Yees, all high class celebs, Whoreditch wankers and T4 presenters wear them. And so will you!”

- “OK. What’s for dinner tonight?”

Twat